Beyond the Light
by Wing Serenade
Summary: A combined fiction effort by Kourin and I! Hitomi is stressing out from school while Van is pining away as Merle wonders why in god's name he waits for the girl who left him all those years ago. An old enemy is back and much insanity ensues. Whatever
1. Default Chapter Title

**Beyond The Light: Part One**  
by the infamous duo: [Chaos-chan][1] and [Kourin][2]  


"Now Selena, stay still. . . Be a good girl for your big brother!" Allen Schezar cooed to his newly found sister, as she cringed in fear.

"No! Onii-sama!" Selena cried, "No more hormone-injections! Please!"

"But Selena, you don't want to become a bad girl…. Do you?" Allen crept closer to his _darling_ sister. She hurriedly scampered away. "Come on Selena, if you don't soon, you'll even be a bad boy!"

"Allen, I got her in a hold down!" Millerna cried. Selena desperately struggled but to no avail. Allen sweat dropped. "What's the matter Allen?" Millerna asked all innocent and wide-eyed. Allen merely pointed at her and Selena. Millerna had the poor girl straddled and her head between Selena's legs in a very unlady-like way.

"If I didn't know you so well, I'd scream out hentai." Allen smiled as Millerna's face went red at the thought. "Let's get this over with before she switches to Dilandau mode and it really does become bad." 

Allen bent over and grabbed Selena's arm. 

"No, no Allen! You'll give her a nasty scar! You'll have to give her the shot elsewhere!" Millerna screamed. "You don't want the nobles of Asturia to think that your sister's one of those 'Heroin chic' fashion victims!" 

"But where?" Then inspiration struck. Allen recalled one time he had to take a shot when he was hurt badly in battle. Perhaps the same place would be appropriate. "Millerna-hime, could you please lift up my sister's skirt?" Millerna was about to protest, but then she understood. She lifted up the skirt. "Now, Selena, this won't hurt a bit." Allen then closed his eyes and stuck in the needle. 

"Allen! You're injecting me not your sister you nimrod! Open your eyes!!!" Millerna cried out. She looked at her arm which had been wounded by the needle. Blood began to come out. Millerna fainted. (Hey, Allen's a knight, not a doctor…)

"Millerna -hime!" Allen rushed to catch her in her fall. "Millerna-hime. Are you okay?" He checked her pulse. It was beating. "Thank goodness, you're going to be okay…" 

"But you will not be… Allen Schezar!"

'That voice…' Allen turned around, afraid of what he might see.

"I'm back…… And I'm badder than ever…" Dilandau smiled as he held up a burning match. "Hee-hee… Fire! Fire! Hohohohohohohoho!!!!"

* * * 

"Van-sama~" Merle crawled up to her loving and kind master, looking at his face. Van was looking off into the distance "Van-sama~, are you thinking about 'her' again?" No answer. "Van-sama~." No answer. Merle frowned. Her master/childhood friend wasn't the same anymore. No more fun, no more games. He just… kind of sat in his throne looking off into the distance. Looking at the Phantom Moon.

It had been two years since that day. The day that they had defeated the Zaibach empire. Two years since Hitomi had returned to the Phantom Moon. Merle, knew since then, that Van had become less of a person. He was in love, and the distance brought between him and his love was…. Well… irritating. Merle found that having Hitomi gone was bringing back her old feelings for Van. And it had been a few years. Merle had finally hit puberty, developing into a tall slender, well proportioned cat-girl. But Van-sama never noticed. Folken-san, were he alive may have, but not Van. Since Hitomi's leaving, Van too had hit puberty. And puberty was *very* good to him especially considering the fact that he had become an uber-bishounen. While most kings had flowers thrown at them, Van had various underthings (some clean, some simple, some crotchless, some thongs, some dirty- eww…) thrown at his royal gorgeousness. But he never noticed. All that was in his mind was Hitomi. 'I never liked that girl. I knew she'd just break his heart.' Merle sprang out her claws in agitation. 'That… girl… stealing my Van-sama~ then leaving him all lonely like this! Grrrr…..' She needed something to scratch. Preferably Hitomi, but the nice post next to her would do. She thrust her claws into it, hoping that it might bring her some satisfaction. 

"Merle!!" Van shouted out in pain. 

"Van-sama~ I'm sorry! I thought you were a post!" Merle began to cry as she noticed what her anger had caused. 10 deep wounds scratched into Van's leg. Merle sobbed harder. "Van-sama~ forgive me!" Van just stared at her in shock as she cried. 

Suddenly a guard burst through the doors. 

"Van-sama! Asturia's been taken!"

"What?!" Van stood up. "By who?"

"Dilandau sire. The Zaibach empire has returned." 

* * *

"Ho-ho-ho, Onii-sama~ I have something for you.~" Dilandau sing-songed. He walked into the dungeon below Asturia's palace. He smiled gleefully as he drew out the small pointy needle from his pocket and squirted out some of the liquid. "Onii-sama~" 

"Dilandau… Selena, I know you're in there… you can't do this!"

"Selena is the whole reason I'm doing this. She wants so badly, for her brother to be with her… To know her pain…" Dilandau smiled in demented glee. "Now Onii-sama~ be a good boy… or girl……I mean think of it this way. You already have that beautiful shampoo-commercial quality hair to go with your new femininity anyway…" He then rammed the needle into Allen's arm, laughing merrily. "I always wanted to have a sister whose hair I could sculpt and then set on fire… bwahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!"

* * * 

"Van-sama~" Merle pounced alongside Van as he walked down the hall of the palace into the war room. "Van-sama~ what's going to happen…" No answer. 'I'm getting tired of that.' She thought as they entered the room where all the samurai sat.

"Van-sama.." The samurai bowed at Van's presence. Van sat down at the head of the table as Merle sat in a corner.

"So, any suggestions? We can't let Zaibach destroy Fanelia again. And you know that is their next target… Dilandau, hates me remember?" Van relaxed in his chair as the samurai began to give their input. Not really listening. He already knew what 'he' was going to do. Bring back Escaflowne to life. And kick a lot of bad guy butt. After all… he was the hero of the story. But in order to be a proper hero he did require one thing more… a heroine. "Alright, I've heard enough… I am going to revive Escaflowne and go to the Phantom Moon. Hitomi will be able to help us defeat the Empire." Upon saying that he left with Merle at his heels. Leaving the samurai a bit confused.

"Did you say anything about that girl?"

"No, did you?"

"Nope. I just said that we should take initiative and go to Zaibach first so we may beg for mercy on our pitiful, just reconstructed country…"

"Hey, That's what I said too…"

"Does Van-sama have a drug problem or something?" The other samurai looked at the samurai who suggested that thought and promptly started (in SD form) beating him up.

* * *

Merle's sharp cat ears heard those last few comments from the cowardly samurai. It was just too bad that the *real* Fanelian samurais were killed when Fanelia was destroyed by Zaibach two years ago. She looked at Van, whose face was dead-serious as he walked to Escaflowne. Meowing softly in the silent hallway, Van didn't notice her at all. 'This sucks!' Time for her to do something. It wasn't like Van-sama would notice. He was too preoccupied with beginning the war so he could get back Hitomi. 'Hitomi, Hitomi, Hitomi! It's always Hitomi!' She jumped out a window, up to the roof and scampered across the courtyard. 

After running through part of the woods, she came to a cave entrance partly hidden by vines, trees, bushes and various foliage. She brushed them inside and squeezed in. Lighting a small torch that was hidden behind a small boulder, she walked further into the cave where there was a fork in the path. She turned left andafter a few steps, was immediately on a ledge over a huge underground room. It was Folken's old laboratory. Even before he was unwillingly enlisted in Zaibach's service, he was already a budding scientist. Stashed there were various blueprints of experiments and mecha. Through various favors from people Meruru worked with during the Allied front against Zaibach, various parts of one Teiring units were shipped to this place, Merle's secret hideaway. She has studied the blueprints Folken had left (did you think she just sat there while Van drooled/dreamed about Hitomi? C'mon, she's much smarter than that...she has a life too) and throughout the course of two years was able to 'reassemble' the Teiring unit, although with some alterations. Her proudest alteration with the unit though, was that now it was colored peachy-pink, just like her clothes. It was important to be color-coordinated, you know. She jumped up onto the unit, picked up the armor resting on its shoulder and put it on. She then proceeded to board the unit. Everything seemed to be working fine as the started walking out of the cavern. Then, she remembered. "Oh yeah, this thing was brought in here as scraps. Oh well, best time to test my little machine's agility!" 

The extremely fashionable guymelef jumped up and was able to enter the entry area of the cave. Trampling aside the greenery covering the entrance, she walked to the shrine where Van was summoning Escaflowne. Standing behind him, she made her announcement of her acheivement. "Van-sama~ look what I made!" No answer. Merle did a lil' twirl in her newly made teiring unit, as if she were on a 'catwalk' (to the tune of that extremely genki Escaflowne chanting, no less). She loomed behind him. Still no answer came. He just continued with the ceremony of summoning Escaflowne. Merle was getting pissed .

She looked on the inside of her helmet, 'aha!' finding the volume on her loudspeakers. She cranked it up on full. "VAN-SAMA ~!!!!!!" No answer. 'Oh forget it!' Merle sat down in her teiring unit behind Van, waiting paitiently for him to finish the ceremony. 

* * *

~Meanwhile in a bar/brothel outside of Asturia~

The patrons admired the lovely beast that had just walked in. She was tall, with beautiful blonde hair , dainty, and very well-endowed, a fact that clearly showed on her cleavage-enhancing-exhibiting Zaibach vinyl bodysuit. All the patrons in the bar wanted to hit on her, but after one poor fool lecherously tried to score with her, and got....toasted.... by the flame thrower her gray/lavender-haired companion kept, they got the hint and stayed away. 

It was a dark, and stinky tavern-brothel combo in what used to be the old pre-Dornkirk Zaibach region outside Asturia. Dilandau his buxom companion were there trying to find whoever may have been left from the Zaibach army after the war.

"Dilly-chan, this place stinks, my hair is starting to pick up the stench. This is no place for a lady like me!" Spoke the buxom blonde as she....tossed...her mousse/hairspray/gel sculpted hair.

"Now now, my little blonde goddess, if we don't wait, I won't get more pilots for my plans for tomorrow night. Besides, this is going to be your new home. You might want to get used to this smell."

"What are you gonna do tomorrow night, Dilly-chan?"

"Same thing I did last night, Aleena," Dilandau answered as he snipped off a lock of Aleena's blonde hair and set it on fire. He smiled as the lock burned. His eyes glowed blood red. "Try to take over Gaea!"

[insert music from Pinky and the Brain (copyrighted by the Warner Brothers) here]

*It's Dilly and the blonde

It's Dilly and the blonde

One is a pyro, the other's a blonde

To prove their gender's worth

They'll burn Gaea to dirt

It's Dilly, it's Dilly and the blonde blonde blonde

*NARF* 

[end song. Note: This filk intermission here was mainly modified from a previously existing filk that has been circulating through the Fushigi Yuugi Mailing List for a while now titled "Soi and the Blonde". We can't take full credit for it.]

"But first, my beautiful Aleena, we need," Dilandau said as he struck a pose. "O-KA-NE!" [that's the japanese word for money, for those of you who are japanese inept like Kourin, even though she came up with the word and I didn't ~C-chan] Dilandau said each syllable with a flourish and with a dramatic movement of his arm (Tamahome-style from Fushigi Yuugi, no less--Kourin).

"How will we get it, Dilly-chan?" Aleena innocently asked.

"Well, we could go rob a bank, but I don't think banks even exist in Gaea," Dilandau excitedly babbled on. 

"What's a bank?" Aleena asked.

"Nevermind."

"Oh."

Dilandau looked around and saw the lusty looks from the bar patrons that were quickly covered up as he looked at them. A bright lightbulb popped up above his head, which he quickly grabbed, broke and burned. "Aleena-chan, tonight you will become a woman," Dilandau said quietly to Aleena, who was absolutely clueless. 'I knew there was a reason I was leaving her here!' Dilandau mused. He then tried to explain things to Aleena, who excitedly agreed, after all it was all for Zaibach.

"So I wait in a room for guys, I pretend to take my clothes off and then when they're too busy drooling at the sight of me in a state of near undress I quickly grab my sword and tell them to hand over their money or die? Cool!"

`Ahhh… a girl after my own heart' Dilandau thought as he cut off yet another piece of Aleena's hair and burnt it with a smirk as Aileena rushed off to one of the rooms upstairs.

* * *

*insert Gaian chanting* 

_Eeeeeescaaaafloooooowneeee....Eeeeescaaafloooowneee.... escaaaaaaaa-- aaaaaaaa-----floooooooowwwwwwnneeeeeeeeee.... _

*end chanting*

The unsealing ceremony of Escaflowne was successful. Van breathed a sigh of relief as he unsheathed his sword and proceeded with the next step [for those who don't know, the next step consists of slitting his finger and dripping blood on the energist his mommy gave him]. The jewel on Escaflowne glowed green and the hatch opened, allowing Van to enter. 

`Hitomi, I'm coming for you…' he thought as he jumped in. 

Meanwhile, Merle was snoozing in her Teiring unit, waiting for Van to hurry the hell up and finish the ceremony. She didn't notice as he stepped into Escaflowne and walked right past her (again). She just continued to snooze peacefully, even as Van went into rocket mode in Escaflowne and flew off towards wishing for Hitomi in his arms. 

* * *

*Meanwhile on the Phantom Moon*

"Hitomi!" Yukari yelled… Yukari stood, hands on her hips, as she watched Hitomi running to catch up with her. "You're late again!!! How many times have I told you!"

"Sorry Manager!!" Hitomi replied.

"Geez… this is the championship girl! You can't afford to be late!"

"Sorry Midterms got in my way…" Hitomi rolled her eyes slightly. Damn,. She wished she could be near Van again… If for nothing else but to be away from her midterms. Suddenly, as if a prayer had been answered, a bright beam of light shot out of the Heavens grabbing hold of Hitomi. She gasped in shock.

Yukari watched as Hitomi got carried away again by the beam of light once again. Slightly annoyed… Her mom was very understanding the last time, but Yukari was sure her mom was thinking "these kids must be on drugs". Now what'll they do to explain this?!

* * * 

Hitomi awoke to find herself in a flower bed in a garden behind the palace of Fanelia. Escaflowne, as well as Van, was kneeling down beside her. A barrage of painful visions from the last time she was here attacked her. First she was stressed out by examination hell, then this. Not to mention her duties to the track team. And Yukari's whining about Amano-sempai, which lately has been going into lemon-land. Not that she was jealous...*insert raised eyebrows here* The stress was TOO MUCH!

"Van!" Hitomi smacked Van across the face in rage. "How could you?! You know that I don't want to see visions anymore, and you still bring me here to help you in this war! How could you be so selfish?!" Hitomi began to sob into her hands. "What kind of a man are you? Don't you understand that there are things that you don't know yet? That you need to know before you can be with me?" 

Van just stared at Hitomi shocked. Didn't she know how much he needed her? How much he wanted to be by her side? And now… she was saying that he didn't know enough about being a man to be near her? What could he do? "Hitomi…" Van put a hand on her shoulder.

"Don't touch me!" Hitomi slapped away his hand and ran into her room. Van just continued to stare in shock until she slammed the door. What was it she wanted? Then what she said earlier he finally understood.

~Insert instant flashback~

"What kind of a man are you? Don't you understand that there are things that you don't know yet? That you need to know before you can be with me?"

~End instant flashback~

She needed an experienced man! No wonder! She wanted someone who would already know the ways of loving a woman to be near her. Now he understood why Hitomi had been so infatuated with Allen. 'Well, then, I guess it's time to take action then…' thoughtVan 'There's a brothel just outside of Asturia… maybe I'll go there. I hear they have great whores.'

He shuddered at that word. A whore was precisely what Hitomi was not. But he did want to prove his manhood to her. Even if he didn't like the idea. He walked out to Escaflowne and hopped in, immediately changing into Dragon-rocket mode. He sped his way to the borders of Asturia. "And while I'm trying to figure that out, I'll try to figure out how to give my hair a three-inch lift," Van said to himself.

* * * 

"Well, lookie here~!" Sing-songed the head wench. "A genuine king of Fanelia!" She checked him out and motioned for the other wenches to join her. They began to Ooo and Ahh at his appearence. A few even began stripping off their clothes in preparation for his most kingliness. "Now! Now! Stop you fools! Can you see he's a complete virgin? He needs one of our more unexperienced wenches so he feels more comfortable." 

All the male patrons sitting at the bar blew up in laughter. Van just blushed furiously at what this wench could tell about him. Then he found a key pressed into his hand. Remembering the deal and the threats from Dilandau, the head wench whispered into his ear."Third door on the right. Her name is Aleena…"

Van nervously slipped away from the women in the other room swooning over him and stepped to the mentioned room. He nervously tried to fit in the key, but his hands were shaking so badly he dropped it twice. Finally, the door was opened from the inside. An extremely attractive blonde woman was there, wearing what appeared to be a dominatrix outfit. Van didn't like the Zaibach theme of the outfit, though. * How did Van know it was a dominatrix outfit? I dunno.*

After she closed the door, woman promptly started performing a slow striptease by pulling off her glove, finger by finger, by her teeth. With that done, she started singing in a sexy voice.

"I feel pretty, oh so pretty..."

Then she began to slowly take off the clasps of her bra.

"Oh so pretty and pretty and..."

The striptease was accentuated by a strange red light, the source of which Van could not pinpoint. Van could hear his heart pounding. 'This is all for Hitomi' he thought as he nervously licked his lips, trying as hard as he could not to projectile-nosebleed.

To be continued...

As for the next chapter: What will become of Van? Will Merle sleep in the shrine for this whole fic? What has become of Milerna-hime and Allen? And who is the new evil power behind Dilandau? Oh yeah, and Hitomi's in it too.

   [1]: mailto:yuuhi@juno.com
   [2]: mailto:kourin@excite.com



	2. Default Chapter Title

**Beyond The Light: Part Two**  
by [Chaos-chan][1] and [Kourin][2]

      The pretty girl continued to sing and strip.  Her hands still unclasping the bra as she had her back towards Van.  Her gloves were already laying on the ground.  Van watched, mesmerized.  He'd never really seen anything like this before… not even remotely close. As a matter of fact the strip tease was starting to have a pleasurable effect… because now, instead of Van seeing the blonde girl, he could now see Hitomi.  Damn, was she sexy… 

[Van's real stuck on her dontcha think? ~C-chan] 

      Aleena smiled to herself. The plan was going perfectly.  She finally reached the last clasp of the bra when…"Errk.."  She tried again while singing. "Who's that pretty girl in the mirror there?  Who can that attractive girl be~… Erk.  Blast! Why can't I take this damn thing off?!" 

She struggled with the clasp in back but to no avail.  She tried to look around to her back but it threw her off balance making her hop on one foot.  She turned around while in her hopping balance struggle and looked at Van who had the look of a man who had just seen  heaven on earth.  Aleena hopped back around and tripped, landing in an undignified heap on the floor, bra still stuck. 

    Van smiled. Hitomi (He's seeing Aleena as her remember?)was so cute when she was clumsy. 

*  *  * 

Hitomi sat in her living quarters.  She faintly remembered occupying this very same room  a few years ago.  When she had first come to Gaea.  Hitomi smiled… 'Yes, that was a long time ago…  I'm just so glad that after the war they were able to rebuild Fanelia back to it's original state.'  She looked out on the sites of the city and continued to reminisce. 'Two years ago you arrived on Gaea… two years ago you were part of a world wide war…  and also two years ago…' She blushed. 'You fell in love with a King…' 

She looked around her room.   It was awfully quiet.  Where was everybody?   Why was she here  anyway?  She tried to think back to when she had been brought over by Van.  Funny, he didn't mention anything…   where was he anyway?  Wasn't he supposed to be here right now?  "Geez, just when you think you know some-"  She stopped mid-sentence as she remembered what had happened a bit more clearly. 

  _"Van!" Hitomi smacked Van across the face in rage. "How could you?!  You know that I don't want to see visions anymore, and you still bring me here to help you in this war! How could you be so selfish?!"  Hitomi began to sob into her hands.  "What kind of a man are you?  Don't you understand that there are things that you don't know yet?  Things you need to know before you can be with me?"  Van just stared at Hitomi, shocked._

       "Oh no… what have I done?"  She covered her mouth with her hand. "No wonder he isn't here right now." She began to cry. "I was soo angry, I didn't see before…" She remembered his shocked face. "Oh Van…" A tear fell from her eye… "I'm sorry… Where are you?"  A blue light began to glow from the floor…  "I love you…"  and enveloped Hitomi, taking to where her heart was. 

*  *  * 

        "Such a pretty face, such a pretty smile, such a pretty me~" Aleena continued to sing-song as she lay struggling on the ground. 

        Van stared at this wonderful apparition of Hitomi in front of him.  She was nearly half naked and about to become more so, if she could unfasten the bra.  "Hitomi…" He sighed as he continued to watch.  Suddenly a blue light appeared in the middle of the floor and the 'real' Hitomi popped out of it.  They ran into each others arms. 

        "Van!" 

        "Hitomi!" 

        "Van…" 

        "Hitomi…" 

        "Van…" 

        "Hitomi…" 

        "Van…" 

        "Hitomi…" 

        "Van…" 

        "Hitomi…" 

        "Van?  Where are we?" Hitomi said as she looked around the dark room.  A strange  red light caught her eye and she noticed a half naked person in the midst of it.  She strained her eyes to see who it could be… 

        "Allen-san?!" 

        "ALLEN-san?!"  Van took a long close look at the whor---woman of ill repute he was about to... use... "It couldn't be..." And passed out.   
  

 * * *

         In the meantime, in a near-forgotten part of Gaea... 

         "Intracellular fluid pressure stabilizing!" 

         "Blood pressure is slowly being elevated!" 

         "Funky curls in his hair are just about  restored by the---ooOOOW! Prototype curling irons… Dammit, I still say we should've tried giving him dreadlocks this time!" 

         "Shuddup and continue doing Emperor Dornkirk's hair, you insolent twit!" 

         "Nerve synapses are starting to take on desired patterns!" 

         "Alrighty then, let's get this party going!"  The Dornkirk loyalist immediately shut up as he felt the questioning gaze of his comrade.  "Sorry, I got a little too much into the spirit of reviving Lord Dornkirk,"  the loyalist said sheepishly. 

         "I still say he was sneaking in shots of that weird green fluid we used to restore Dornkirk when we weren't looking,"  mumbled another loyalist, a safe distance away from the icky-green-fluid guzzling loyalist. 

Evil giggling ripped through the air and everyone in the dimly lit arena immediately bowed down.  The source of the demented giggling, a girly-looking young man wearing an old Zaibach Army uniform, has just stepped in. 

        "Welcome back, Dilandau-sama!" the loyalists chanted. 

        "How are things going?" Dilandau asked as he sat on a chair that was offered to him. 

        "Things are all ready, Dilandau-sama. All we need is your signal,"  one of the chief loyalists and Dilandau's new assistant, Keni, said.  As he was saying this, he wheeled in a huge switch and set it next to Dilandau. 

        "Well done.  Bring back Dornkirk!"   Dilandau ranted out, and with evil giggling, pulled down the switch.   The switch was connected to a rope, which was connected to a pulley, which pulled up a rubber chicken, which hit a sack of flour, which burst, sprinkling flour over some wires and loyalists below.  The rubber chicken continued on its way up,  hitting a lever, which opened a cage full of lab mice (which wasn't used, no animals other than the rubber chicken… which isn't even an animal… were harmed during the writing of this parody).  The little mice then joyfully ran around the arena.  The rubber chicken finally stopped as it hit the ceiling, which hit a button.  The button released the holding pen, which was full of confetti and balloons.  The confetti and balloons then were released, giving the dimly lit arena a somewhat happier feeling, even though the balloons and confetti were all colored black… albeit shiny, Zaibach Army uniform-style.   Elsewhere, the mice, who never really liked this dimly lit arena, started  nibbling on some wires because the wires were covered with flour.  Alas, these wires were the main electrical wires.  Being Gaean mice, the mice were not harmed at all, and just spat out the icky rubber coating on the wires.  The wires now chewed through, all the power in the dimly lit arena immediately went out. 

        "D'oh!"  the loyalists immediately chorused. 

        Dilandau, eerily keeping his calm, simply lit a match.  "Alright, who did it this time?"  He asked the loyalists.   Small lamps started illuminating the arena.  Despite the increasing light in the arena, no one answered Dilandau's query.   "Who planned that stupid switch?!" 

        Keni timidly stepped forward.  "I supervised the planning committee which planned the switch, Dilandau-sama.  We are very sorry.  We wanted to get doves, but there were no doves available, we only had mice..." 

        "Step forward a little more, Keni," Dilandau soothingly replied. 

        A little less timidly, Keni stepped forward.  Keni stood out among the other loyalists.  For one thing, he was shorter, smaller than a member of the Ispano Tribe.  He was also dressed up as if he was going camping in the Antarctic.  That, and the fact that his words were almost all muffled by a big puffy hood, part of his big puffy jacket.  Keni stepped forward a bit more.  As he took this step, he was immediately given a Dilandau Special Whiplash-causing Handprint-marking Slap ™.  His head flew off, landing a few feet away from his fallen body. 

        Dilandau giggled the way only he can at his handiwork.  "I haven't lost my touch,"  the resident gender-confused one mused. 

        From somewhere in the crowd of loyalists, a cry broke out.  "Ohmigod, he killed Keni!  You bastard!" 

        "Calm down, Kail, don't draw attention to us!" 

        "Shuddup, Stan, you just wanna kiss Wendi Testabaagaa." 

        "What are these cut-out paper animation freaks doing here?"  Dilandau demanded.  True, Keni's friends stood out from the other high-quality Sunrise-animated loyalists.  Stepping near them with an unfathomable smirk on his face, Dilandau seemed harmless.  Without warning, he brought out his lighter and set them on fire.  "Heehee, they burn quite nicely,"  Dilandau sang in demented glee.  "Now the only thing that would make my day complete would be to give someone an anal probe..."

* * *

        "Young master, please, speak with the Crusade Crew!"   Dryden Fassa's rat-ish assistant flailed about, trying to get his attention.  "Please, we can hold off your father who thinks you're still heartbroken over Millerna-hime, but the Crusade Crew knows the truth!"  The Rat-man then proceeded to cartwheel in front of Dryden, really truly desperate for attention.  "I give up," he mumbled to himself, as he left the Dryden's room, which was cloudy with intoxicating smoke. 

        "Well, is he going to help us or not?" Gades demanded. 

        "I'm afraid the young master is not in any condition to come out of his room right now,"  the Rat-man (weakly) replied. 

        "What, is he receiving chemotherapy for some weird cancer right now or something?  This whole ship, especially his room, reeks of POT!"  Gades yelled. 

        "Er… pot?  Why yes, we sell pots, exquisitely handcrafted by Zaibach Empire orphans.  No sweatshop or mudshop labor involved, guarranteed!" 

        "You know what I'm talking about!  Heartbroken my ass!  Dryden has turned into a stoner ever since he left Asturia, hasn't he?  Those greenhouses he invested in aren't your normal greenhouses that plant flowers and vegetables, they're greenhouses that grow and cultivate Gaea's most controversial drug!  Pot!  Marijuana!  Cannabis!  I even heard that Dryden is the mastermind behind the Cannabis Clubs!" 

        "They're not Cannabis Clubs, they're Cannabis Healing Centers!" 

        "Yeah, yeah, whatever.  Listen, shoot him with caffeine or something and then tell him that Asturia… no, Gaea needs his help once again,"  and with those words, Gades strode out of Dryden's ship and jumped into the Crusade. 

        "Any good news, Sarge,"  Kio eagerly asked. 

        "No,   Sorry guys.  Come on, let's sail back to Asturia."  Their morale not lifted, the Crusade  sailed back to Asturia.

* * *

So, will Dryden ever be sober again?  Will Dilandau get to give _someone_ an anal probe?  What will happen to Hitomi?  What will happen to Hitomi's view of Allen?  Will the Crusade's crew's morale ever be lifted?  What about Merle?  Why the hell was there a South Park reference in this thing?  (_Um, Rickie and Cassie, my 2 girls in my workgroup in my PreCalculus class kinda got to me with that --- Kourin)_  All these questions (well, maybe not all of it) will be answered in part 3 of _Beyond The Light_ (yes, we actually have a title for this parody). 

Comments and criticisms?  Send them over to either [Chaos-chan][3]  or  [Kourin][4] _(Dammit, I did more work on this thing... did I? --- Kourin)_ . 

  Standard disclaimers apply. We didn't create Escaflowne, we just love the series and made a parody for it. Escaflowne (c) Sunrise, TV Tokyo, Bandai, etc. 

   [1]: mailto:yuuhi@juno.com
   [2]: mailto:kourin@excite.com
   [3]: mailto:Chaos-chan@juno.com
   [4]: mailto:kourin@mindless.com



	3. Default Chapter Title

**Beyond The Light**  
Part 3 of a Tragedy: "The Plot"  
By [Chaos-chan][1] (There's a plot?)  
and [Kourin][2] (Yeah, I know... it scares me too...)  


For a short summary of the previous part of the story, click [here][3]. Oh wait, that was the previous part in itself. Oops.  


"Allen?!" Hitomi stared wide-eyed at the 'slightly' changed Allen Schezar in front of her ('Slighty', yeah… right…). He was wearing a dress and had the new additions of … uh… well, some disturbing lumps on his chest, but it was definetly Allen Schezar. That hair… no one had hair that nice. That three-inch lift, the way it shined even in the red light. _Damn is he sexy…_ Hitomi sighed, then caught herself. _Why am I mooning over Allen again?! I'm in love with Van!_ She mentally bashed herself in the head with a fifty-ton mallet. The sexy blonde blushed as he/she/it tried to re-adjust the poorly put on bra.   


"Who are you?" The blonde _girl_, Aleena, asked in a high-pitched sexy girl version of Allen's voice, which was what Allen probably would have sounded like if ever he was kicked in the Schezar jewels during the course of the tv series storyline. "Stop looking at me that way, you perverted girl!" He covered his chest with his arms. "Who's Allen?"  


Van faded in and out of consciousness. _What was going on? That… that… lady-typething was Allen?!_ Softly he heard a knock at the door. _Oh man, not more people._  


"Who is it? It's everyone's favorite Bandit, Kouji-chan! Oh Kouji it's been so long, come right on in. Thank you!"   


Hitomi looked from Allen and Van, confused, as a young man with the strangest blue hair walked in wearing clothing like an ancient Chinese bandit's. He walked in and looked around a little, non-plussed.   


"Is this Tasuki's room? Ooops. I made a mistake. That's alright, you can come back later if you like 'with' Tasuki. Oh thank you, you are too kind. No problem. Goodbye." The bandit 'Kouji' left.  


In the meantime, the track star phantom moon girl, the knight-turned-woman-of-ill-repute person and the not-quite-conscious Fanelian King stared at the door wondering about one thing: _What the heck was **that**?_  


*****

Meanwhile, back at the shrine formerly known as Escaflowne's Retirement Place, Merle slept in her snazzy updated sixteen-valve Teiring unit (complete with new spoilers, rims, optional racing mufflers for Turbo mode and racing stripes all coordinated with Merle's fur patterns). In the extremely far corner of her mind she could still hear the chants of "Eeeeeescaaaaaaaaflooooowneeeeeeee" going on in the background. In her mind she was having a dream… a beautiful dream…  


"Merle!" Van was running towards her… topless, his sexy body glistening in the moonlight. They were in the middle of a barren beach....  


The sounds of "Eeeeeescaaaaaaaaflooooowneeeeeeee" being chanted became louder and louder. Merle started geyser-nosebleeding (only in her dreams, of course) because she noticed that Van wasn't exactly topless, he was wearing a special suit. Van was wearing his birthday suit. As Merle passed out due to loss of (dream)blood, a group of monks (the culprits behind all the chanting) walked by, repeatedly knocking themselves on the head with wooden boards.   


*****

"Van, I'm sorry that I snapped at you earlier. I was under too much stress when I was sent back to Gaea and I didn't think that you'd take me so seriously when I said those things." Hitomi sighed as she sat and slouched on the matress of the bed in her room. Van was standing across the room.  


"Its' okay, I shouldn't have gone out and done what I did even if it was a misinterpretation." Van blushed thinking about what had nearly happened between him and Allen. "I should have stayed here to take care of you." _I **really really** should have stayed here instead_, his mind screamed at him as he shuddered.  


"I still can't quite figure out what happened to Allen. That body, those colors, that hair.... To be honest, he was such an attractive woman I can't really blame you for wanting him. I must be incredibly plain to you. I have such flat hair and dull features, and my nails keep chipping." She looked over the back of her hand, examining the truth. "You must think I'm incredibly boring..." At that comment, Van walked towards Hitomi, placed his hands on the bed and leaned over her.  


"I don't think you're boring Hitomi," Van whispered as he brought his hand up to touch the side of her face and gently turned it so that they would look at each other eye to eye. "I also don't think you're plain." He leaned forward, his breath caressing Hitomi's lips. "You're beautiful."   


"Van..." Hitomi closed her eyes as Van closed the distance between them. Their lips touched for the very first time. _My first kiss with Van..._ She fell down on her back onto the bed and Van followed, his body pressing up against hers as the kiss deepened. Slowly, Van wrapped his arms around her. After another long moment, they pulled apart, their breathing staggered as they looked at each other with love in their eyes. "Van..." Hitomi blushed and looked away slightly. She felt refreshed in a way that she'd never felt before, as though she had finally been able to express what she felt for Van for the first time since she realized that she was in love with him (and not Allen when she had first come to Gaia). In a way, she sort of felt not unlike a breath mint. She then felt Van lifting his weight off of her. She leaned forward towards him in confusion. "Van?"  


"I should go." Van turned his head, trying to hide the blush that matched Hitomi's in intensity as he rose off the bed entirely and turned to walk away. "Before I..." Hitomi grabbed his arm, startling him. "Do something that..." He continued, still not facing Hitomi.  


"Stay with me," Hitomi pleaded as she tried to pull him back to her. "I don't want to be alone right now, Van," she whispered as she leaned into his back and wrapped her arms around him to embrace him from behind.  


"Hitomi?" Van questioned himself as he heard the plea in her voice. He wanted to stay with her, especially since now they had rectified the mistake of what occured earlier in that brothel. However, he wasn't sure of what would happen if he were to stay. He wanted to be with her so badly, but what _she_ wanted had to be more important. And their first kiss... "Of course I'll stay Hitomi, but... what will we do?" He asked, wanting her to take the lead in this new part of their relationship. She smiled at him as she embraced him tighter.  


"I'm sure we can think of something fun to do," She said, smiling, as the Earth and its moon in the night sky shimmered.  


*****

"Dilandau-sama! We have finished what you have asked of us," The Zaibach scientist kneeled in front of his sadistic master humbly, a small cage resting beside him. "I present to you... your minions."   


He opened the cage and a small version of Dilandau popped out, no bigger than a UFO catcher doll (otherwise known as a "plushie"). It opened its eyes and spread its arms in glee as it ran towards Dilandau. "This is Chibi-Dilandau Unit 1, my liege" the scientist proclaimed. The Chibi jumped up onto Dilandau's shoulders as the 'man' looked upon the miniaturized version of himself with distain.   


"Dilly-chan. Dilly-chan!" The Chibi squealed in delight with its high-pitched childlike voice. It took out a miniature comb and began to groom Dilandau's hair. "Pretty-Pretty. Soft-Soft." It continued to groom as the grim look of Dilandau widened. "Burn-Burn!!!" Abruptly the Chibi pulled a blowtorch out of hyper space and started burning strands of hair that had fallen out while it was grooming its master. Dilandau smiled as it whacked the miniaturized clone across the room, to which it responded by setting things on fire and killing half the people in the room, making Dilandau giggle like a school girl(as it were). The scientist cleared his throat somewhat loudly then, after he had realized that Dilandau and Unit 1 had managed to bond with no _major_ violence.   


"Dilandau-sama, we have also completed the Project and the two top clone candidates are awaiting orders from you." He motioned to a small stage that rose out of the ground, on which two cloaked figures stood on opposing sides. Lights flashed and a rose appeared in one of the cloaked one's hands.  


"To drown Gaea in devastation no da..." The first cloaked figure spoke.  


"To destroy all the countries within our nation..." The 'other' voice that spoke, although from a different part of the stage, sounded the same as the other.  


"To denounce the evils of truth and love no da."  


"To extend our reach to the stars above." The cloaks came off and flew into the air as the two clones were revealed.  


"Chichiri, na no da." The blue-haired one holding the rose threw it into the air and gave the audience a victory sign as he turned SD.  


"Kamui." A young man flipped his hair looking surprisingly like Van Fanel but without the Pinnochio nose and a bit shorter hair. The last two lines were delivered flawlessly in unison, and as the stage fog cleared, the two young men with the same voice appeared in full view, clad in black suits with the letter "D" on them in red.  


"Team Dilandau... Blast off at the speed of Dragon Flight(no da)!!! Surrender now... Or prepare to fight(no da)!" They posed.  


"Meowff! That's right!"  


"What the hell is that?" Dilandau pointed at the strange cat-like thing with what appeared to be a golden shoe print protruding from its head that had said the last line of the speech. The Zaibach Scientist immediately began to fret as one of the other scientists ran out of the lab.  


"There it is! One of the cloning rejects! It's one of the 150 Pocket Monsters!!" cried the genetic engineer (who just so happened to wear a t-shirt under his lab coat that had a Nerv logo and the words "I pressed the puRei button for Ritsuko").  


"Gotta catch them all-Gotta catch them all!" cried the Chibi Dilandau as it split itself into multiple pieces and reformed into multiple clones of itself, each one wielding a flaming chainsaw. "Dinner-Dinner!" They cried as they roasted Meowff.  


"They read my mind." Dilandau smirked as he watched the Chibi-Dilly-chans prepare that evenings dinner in a gentle but thorough roast (Meowff tastes like chicken ~C). Dilly almost felt like joining them but then realized that he needed to reveal his Evil Plan(tm) to the audience before they got bored and stopped reading this fic. "Chichiri, Kamui, step forward." The two young men stepped forward and knelt down on one knee. "I have... a plan..."   


Dilandau rubbed his chin as the Chibis danced around the room shouting "A plan-A plan!"   


"Yes, a plan... A plan to get rid of that annoying girl from the Phantom Moon." Dilandau's shoulders shook as he chuckled wickedly then frowned. "What was that plan again?" Kamui bowed and recited the plan.  


"Dilandau-sama, the plan was to go to the newly reconstructed Fanelia in the midst of the night. There we will find the girl Hitomi and lure her out of her bedroom by throwing our voices and pretending to be King Van Fanel. Once she is out of the safety of the castle we will ambush her and set her on fire. Afterwards we will all have a feast of crispy chicken wings courtesy of the Phantom Moon." He finished and Dilandau nodded.  


"That is correct. Thereby this top secret mission will be thus called: Project Seki Tomokazu. With it we will destroy the girl from the Phantom Moon and revive Dornkirk!"  


Chichiri raised his hand. "Ano... Dilandau-sama, why is it going to be called: Project Seki Tomokazu, no da?"   


The psychotic dictator shrugged. "I don't know." Dilandau replied. "It was a request from one of the authors. Most likely to suit some stupid ironic joke."   


"Really? Which one, no da?"  


"Ooo... I wonder if it was the one with the short brown hair that dyes it all the time, she's kinda cute." Kamui got a dreamish look in his eyes. Chichiri poked him.  


"You're only saying that because she's making you no da. Authors are evil, I should know no da."  


"And the vibrant personality, and her body, and her smile...." Kamui went on, an idiotic, sappy grin on his face.  


"Ano, Kamui-kun no da..." Chichiri sweatdropped then regained his composure a bit as something struck him. "Dilandau-sama, what does this Van Fanel sound like? How can we lure this Hitomi from the Phantom Moon with our voices? If we don't sound like him, our plan will failno da." A young woman answered in the place of Dilandau.  


"You do not need to worry about that Chichiri. It will work when the time comes. Let's go." A girl walked in from the shadows of the room wearing Zaibach uniform. She had chin-length straight hair that was a dark cherry-like color with bangs that drifted into her brown eyes, offsetting her pale skin. When Kamui stood up it was also noticeable that the two of them were also about the same height.   


"Who're you? You look familiar..." Kamui whispered as the girl shrugged and nodded to Dilandau.  


"I'm here to ensure the success of Project Seki Tomokazu. My name is-" Dilandau rolled his eyes in the back of his head and took out his flame thrower, aiming it at his minions.  


"Yeah, yeah, yeah... Shut up, and bring me some buffalo wings." The three bowed and made their way out of the room.  


"Yes, Dilandau-sama."  


After they had gone Dilandau sat back in his chair and let one of the Chibis crawl onto his lap where he started to pet its head like a kitten.   


"Dilly-chan!" ::Pop!:: The Chibi-Dilandau's head came off as Aleena came into the room, shrieking in what had to be complete terror. There were tears in her eyes as she fell to her knees.   


"Something horrible has happened, Dilly-chan. Something that could affect the outcome of our battle immensely!" The Zaibach scientists still alive in the room began to sweat, hoping that Aleena didn't know about the intervention of- "I lost my three inch lift!!!!!!!! It's now only two!! We're doomed!!!" Dilandau knelt down beside the ditz and began to stroke her hair, every so often pulling out a slim portion and setting it on fire with a lighter.  


"There-there Aleena-chan... You'll get it back." He took out a pair of scissors and clipped some more hair, the happy fireplace in his eyes burning in glee. "We'll just order that special gel from Asturia again."  


"Special Gel?" Aleena asked.  


::Loud fanfare blares throughout the room and a cheesy fifties announcer-style voice is heard::   


Yes, that's right!! Gel from Asturia!!!  


Including a hidden ingredient that no other gel has!!!  


::A tall, buff, blonde young man steps out and begins to model with the gel, making Aleena blush::  


"Don't I know that person?" Aleena asked.  


::Tall young Fabio-ish man waves at Aleena::  


"I swear, I know that person... she..."  


"Aleena! Bring me the doctors now or someone's getting toasted," Dilandau said as he rushed forward to catch his _darling sister_. In the meantime, as the Zaibachfellows rushed about, the question as to what in the world Aleena meant by saying "she" remained unanswered.  


  


*****

  


Meanwhile, in Hitomi's bedroom....  


The entire bed frame (which was quite a massive structure in itself) was shaking violently, as if inhuman actions were being performed on it. Merle was in a nearby staircase, fuming, stomping up on a step almost rhythmically in tune with each time a bedpost hit the wall. As Merle dashed onto the hallway towards the door, the bed finally stopped moving.   


"Van..." Hitomi sighed as the sweat on her body finally began to cool down. She turned to her side to see the young man next to her in the same condition she was. "I've never done that before, I'll have you know," She said as she jabbed at him jokingly. Van's lips curled into a slight smile as he met her gaze.  


"I'd be lying to you if I said I'd never done this, but with you it's special." He grabbed her hand and held it up to his lips and kissed the tips of her fingers. "Because, I love you Hitomi."  


"Van..." Hitomi leaned towards him ready for another kiss when the door slammed wide open to her room and Merle stood huffing at the doorway in a fit of anger.   


"Van-sama~! How could you! I was left in the shrine all this time and then I heard you were back with Hitomi and then-" Merle gasped as she took in the scene in the room. Sheets and blankets were lying everywhere except the bed and the floors were covered with Van's feathers as though he had exerted himself. Clearly she could see the sweat that was over their bodies from... "Van-sama~!! How could you!!??  


*****

  


Meanwhile, back at the ranch... err I mean, back at Dilandau's lair, everyone's favorite androgynous pyromaniac (who used to pilot a red guymelef called "Alseides" and was taken care of by an Afghan houndish man named Jajuka) was bored. Horribly, frighteningly bored. He was so bored that he could scream. In fact, he already screamed. It felt good to scream. Unfortunately, ten seconds later, he was bored again. Therefore, he screamed again. Ten seconds later he was bored again but his throat started to hurt so he decided to not scream again. Of course, the thought of reaching out and burning someone crossed his mind, but no one else was around, they were tending to Aleena. The Chibi-Dilandaus either had their heads popped off by now or ran off after those Pokeurmom thingamabobbers.   


Yes, Dilandau was bored. Since he had nothing else to do (considering it would be wise not to scream again and he had nothing to burn), another option entered his mind: anal probes.   


Immediately, the image of another ship manifested itself through a window. It was an Asturian ship and it had the words "Fassa Cannabis Healing Centers" on one of its flags.   


With another one of his ever-so-wicked grins, Dilandau grabbed hold of the commlink and sent off a brief message to the bridge: "We're boarding the Fassa ship, be prepared. I'm bored and it's been a while since I've given someone an anal probe...."  


_Tsuzuku! (To be continued!)_

  


If you have anything to say about this fic (like it, hate it, wanna see part 4, wanna see more stripping Aleena, whatever), tell it straight to the authors! C'mon, you know you want to e-mail either [Chaos-chan][1] or [Kourin][4].  


_In case you don't get it, Van, Kouji, Chichiri (from Fushigi Yuugi) and Kamui (from X 1999) are all voiced by Tomokazu Seki._  


Soo.... what **did** Aleena mean by saying "she" as he/she/it fainted? What _were_ Hitomi and Van doing that left them sweaty, made the bed rock, and shocked Merle? Will someone with the last name "Fassa" really be given an anal probe? Will Project Tomokazu Seki succeed? All this and more, in the next part of **_Beyond The Light_**.  


Standard disclaimers apply. We didn't create Escaflowne, we just love the series and made a parody for it. Escaflowne (c) Sunrise, TV Tokyo, Bandai, etc.

   [1]: mailto:yuuhi@juno.com
   [2]: mailto:kourin@excite.com
   [3]: parod2.html
   [4]: mailto:kourin@geocities.com



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